What Every Relationship Needs... to last
Many people often say trust is the most important thing to have in a relationship. I have to trust that you’ll love me forever, never betray me, never leave me, never lie to me, never cheat on me, never flirt with someone else, always be loyal, always be there for me…
I’ve only been married for three years and I know that’s not a super long time, but it’s longer than some marriages, unfortunately. Let me say that my husband and I are determined to stay joyfully married until death do us part. After all, we did vow that to one another on our wedding day.
These past three years as a wife and mother have not been super easy on my husband and I, but I can say they have been by far the best three years of my 28 year old life. Has my husband broken my trust? Yes. Not to the extremes of what you may be thinking… but we tend to hold our significant others to a super high standard. We think so highly of them and they are just perfect in our eyes. They can do no wrong. Oh, but they can and will… Will he break my trust again? I hope not, but maybe. Will I break his trust? I hope not, but maybe. Do we want to break each other’s trust? NO… but we’re human who make mistakes and want to live the rest of our lives together… That’s a long time for imperfections to occur.
At church, a married couple sat on the stage in front of the congregation and shared their testimony how both of them had an affair, turned to God, forgave each other and rekindled their marriage. Wow!!!
Trust was broken in their marriage, but they are still married and love each other.
So what is the most important thing to have in a relationship?
And I don’t mean “I forgive you, but I’m still watching you” or “I forgive you, but now I know not trust to you.”
I mean in every relationship you’re in, you have to dig deep into your heart and remove every piece of bitterness, resentment, hurt, sadness, anger and distrust you hold against the other person or the relationship will be unhealthy and won’t last.
A lady once told me she viewed friendships like relationships with significant others. She wasn’t in a relationship at the time and she was ending her friendship of nearly 10 years with another woman. The women hadn’t spoken for months until the lady’s friend finally reached out to her to explain her previous words and absence. The lady hadn’t forgiven her friend…
Instead of letting go of the hurt and bitterness, a once beautiful friendship is no longer in existence. Is holding onto hurt and not forgiving worth a relationship? a marriage? a friendship? your peace?
Think about it… If you have not forgiven someone for what they have done, how often is that pain or memory resurrecting in your life? How are your current behaviors a result from the bitterness, sadness and hurt in your heart? Where is the peace in that?
To go even more personal. How healthy is the relationship with yourself if you do not forgive yourself for your previous actions?
It took me a long while to forgive myself for my behavior in my teenage to early twenties. I was a young, wild and free spirit. I had a lot to process as I began maturing. I realized how I had hurt my spirit, my confidence and my happiness with outside influences and personal wrong actions. It wasn’t easy to forgive myself, until I finally accepted and realized God already forgave me and God will continue to forgive me.
Grace… What a beautiful discovery. God gives each and every one of us grace. Not because we prove to Him we will never do wrong again (He knows that’s impossible), but because He loves us and He wants the relationship with Him to last forever. If God, the perfect and almighty ruler of heaven and earth, forgives, surely we imperfect humans can forgive one another.